Nothing falls like London rain, but I love that dirty water...

So here I am, sitting in my room, writing a paper about military blogging when my motivation inevitably slips. My room power now, unlike this morning. But it's dark now, and it's cold and windy outside. So it looks like that, at least for the time being, I'm stuck in my room. So I figure I will reflect on the last 10 weeks that I've spent as an expat here in the UK...

When I arrived, I was beyond excited - my (nearly) lifelong, Anglophilic dream had come true! The birthplace of the Beatles and Harry Potter, a place where soccer/football fandom reigns and a dry sense of humor is a must. While a lot of that initial excitement has passed, some remains because I feel as though I belong here. I've met some good people, done some fun things, learned a lot, drank a lot. For the first time, I have a sense of grounding but also a desire for something new.

I know now more than ever that my heart lies in academia, but I also know that I think I need a more circuitous route to get there. While I never thought I would tire of school, I think I finally have. But I think I know what I want from a job - I want to work with people and for people. I don't want the focus to be on the bottom line, I want the focus to be on what's good for the world. It may be naive, but I don't see the point of entering the workforce as a cynic - we all get there eventually; where does one find idealism except in youth?

I seem to have sorted out a fair bit personally. I'm actually single - emotionally, nominally - for the first time since 25 December 2000. While in some ways it's quite sad, it's ultimately liberating. I've finally started to understand the way most of my peers felt in their freshman year of college; I can do anything I want without feeling accountable to anyone but myself (except for maybe my checking account balance). Interestingly, I don't behave in a way that is particularly different from before, I just feel differently about it. It is an incredible relief. I'm finally starting to believe that I don't need a boyfriend to get by, or to feel as though I have a support system, or to feel validated or attractive. Ah, progress...

Some of these changes I could attribute to some of the characteristics of the UK. Brits know how to let loose. Sure, letting loose means consuming copious amounts of alcohol, waking up the next morning in last night's clothe, smelling of whisky (or in some cases, snakebite) and kebab. At home, there is so much talk of work: how much there is, when it is to be done, where one has to be next to complete a long list of emotionally draining tasks. Here, my experience has been different. Work is left at work at 6:30 or 7, and then the focus is on fun, on being a person. So, for the first time I've been able to think about where I want to go and who I want to be, rather than simply finding a way to make the most money or climb the corporate ladder the fastest. Another think about the UK that has helped is just being different from everyone else; it has forced me to think about those differences and focus on my strengths, rather than sizing myself up against others in relation to those characteristics we share.

All that being said, I am very much looking forward to my return to the US, to be with people who have known me for longer than just two months. I am looking forward to being near people with whom I share relationships that don't require hours of negotiation in order to just exist. I'm looking forward to Mexican food and margaritas. Quarters and driving on the right side of the road. The flag. Fat men in spandex. Otto!